Friday, July 28, 2006

Read All Warnings And Follow Recommended Dosage When Using This Product.

Directions - Take with 2 grains of salt and a glass of water. Do not exceed more then 3 doses daily as it may cause light headedness, heart palpatations, voilent mood swings and explosive diareaha.

Warning - This may come across as self centered, pretentious, narcissistic, and generally rude to some of you, but it’s my Blog and I can say “I am the Greatest” ($1 to Ali) all that I want!

Now that I have your attention where do I begin? Let’s start with progress made. Progress made on many levels. First off with my Golf swing…if you can call that progress! It looks good to the average eye but it is full of flaws that I am constantly analyzing and reanalyzing. (One friend gave me this advice, “Take two weeks off and then give up the game entirely!”) I had a realization while practicing my swing yesterday of the things I am doing wrong and took some steps to correct it. After about 50,000 more swings it should be come muscle memory…let me just squeeze that in there right between lunch and my 3 o’clock meeting HA!

Speaking of muscle memory (how about reaching for that lead in!), I am surprised at the things my body remembers that I tried so hard to forget since last September! I guess these things get engrained in your head over time. My technique for the most part still flawless, posture good, strength good, endurance is up there…is there an off switch? I used to joke around with people, “The switch is never in the off position!” You know I think I was right all along! (No, that was not the least bit pretentious!)

On top of that with minimal practice (I don’t even have a horn for crying out loud) I have most of the music now under my fingers including the most demanding stuff from a playing standpoint. I am feeling quite good about myself and am carrying an extreme amount of confidence coming into this coming weekend. I feel like I have lost a beat even though I just started back 2 weeks ago. I was projecting hitting full stride next week, but I think that can happen by the end of the day Saturday if rehearsal goes smoothly enough.

I had a long talk with an old friend of mine last night too about some things. About things that I have gained and lost these past 10 years. I had another realization last night about the fear of failing. Me…fear of failing? I don’t know how, where, or when this happened, but somewhere along the way it did. There was a time when I was a fearless competitor in everything I did. Whether it was competition against other people or competition against myself. I lost a competitive edge that I used to have and replaced it with a fear of failing. There never used to be any other option but to succeed, I never had to worry about it. I always found a way. Very few things that I have tried I have failed to be successful. So I am searching for the reason why these things came to fruition. Maybe my risks are more calculated, I don’t know, or maybe it is the recent lack of 100% success at everything I have done…either way that needs to change in me, now I just have to find a way. This applies across more then just drum corps for those of you folks who are putting it only into that context.

But back to the pretentiousness (is that really a word) that I was talking about earlier…I had another realization about this last weekend. The example I have set, this things I have been doing, the way I have been carrying myself have led other people down this path. That was not my intention. I was trying to teach confidence, to teach leadership, as it relates to the group. Instead I pushed people too far in the wrong direction. Then again I never explained to people why I did things the way I did, I just put it out there and had others follow. Those secrets sad to say are very difficult for me to just divulge to anyone. Mini me, who is now gone, learned them all. Whether or not he applies them to his life now, who knows. Then again I had 2+ years to show him the ropes and for him to comprehend the exact meaning of what I was doing.

In some ways though I can see where I carried the primadonna attitude myself. I was the Greatest, and I wasn’t afraid to show it or let everyone know it…through my actions. I left my actions open to interpretation…I feel some people got it all wrong, so I get a second chance to rectify myself and maybe establish some leadership qualities in some other people by the time I am done. I have been at this leadership thing a very long time. I was captain of 3 sports teams my sophomore year of High School and from there the leadership roles continued. I have refined it in such a way that I know how when and where to say and do the right things, I have just never broken it down for anyone.

The success I had for all those years led to that confidence (most called it cockiness) that I had. Multiple championships across sports and music will give you that confidence, but never have I not been relentless in my preparation or my performance. Pursuit of excellence at all costs. That is the price you have to pay before you can proclaim, “I am the Greatest!”

3 comments:

Christine said...

And you point is?

:P

You should analyse more why you can't accept failure. It would help you, a lot, in a lot of difficult life situations. Fear of failure puts a pressure and stress on someone that doesn't really need to be there in the first place.

Life is all about making mistakes and rising above failures. To try to make it through life avoiding mistakes is a quite blind way to live, no?

Living with that much confidence will slap you in the face the day where you won't be able to back up your "cockyness". Isn't living with that kind of pressure too much for you?

Just wondering... That attitude is always a little hard for me to understand that's all.

I love you anyway, you know that ;)

Sara said...

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah.

Blah.

LOL!!! Just messin' with ya Shawn.

There's also that "fear of success" - that bites me in the ass most of the time.

But after moving on from last summer to a different environment with two new corps, I think I might finally be kicking it in the ass. In my own little way.

Good luck this weekend!

Dawn Marie said...

So, one anal retentive perfectionist said to the other...

In many ways I completely understand where you are coming from, however Christine's comment speaks to me because Ive never understood cockiness either. Id always play the silent threat and work to prove myself to those who said I couldnt do something in the hopes they finally say "shit, where'd she come from?" (that was always my fuel)

That fear of failure, can stem from any self conciousness, no matter how small or insignificant. Any transition point in life does that. And we are at a point in our lives where we are more methodical rather than the spontaneous "fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants" mentality we had just 6 years ago. Any invincibility (if that too is a word) we have lingering from those/these days will wane with age as well when our bodies deteriorate and the strength we had just simply no longer exists. All we'll have is our mind and even THAT will fail us. In short...we're fucked....lol.

The End.